emneville

The world through my eyes relayed to you through my keyboard.

Month: June, 2016

A Man In Trouble

I need to get this over with now. I’ve been out of any loop for over six months now. I wanted to post this story via YouTube video, but the lighting is tough here, and I hate watching the computer light reflecting from the lenses of my eyeglasses. No matter how big I make the font, viewing is blurry at best. On January 11, 2016, I totaled my very much-loved 1993 Honda Accord while on my way to work. I lost my car. My employer, Amazon.com, turned down my request for emergency 15-day leave of absence, robbing me of the opportunity to scramble up a vehicle. I was involuntarily terminated the next day. I’d applied for that leave so that I could cover for the fact I had no paid or unpaid time I could use. Hell, it was January. Only Amazonians with no lives had significant time off. I lost my job. Unemployment sided with Amazon. I’m appealing through the courts now, but I’m not optimistic. I lost income. In short, in a matter of weeks, I lost everything. I won’t lie. Times got dark. I drank more than I ate or bathed, and every time I closed my eyes I saw multiple revolvers firing wildly into my left temple. That was odd because, well, I’m right-handed. Listen. It’s not a pity party here. I’m alive. Family members have come to my rescue, and I’m looking forward. I’m the master of my destiny. The journey started on 1/11/2016.

A Hard Time For Voters

Man, times are hard for American voters. The candidates are so close that deciding who would be best at destroying the country is much like deciding between shoving one’s head up an elephant’s ass while he’s shitting, licking the slime off the underside of a slug the size of an elephant, or shoving one’s head into a running wood chipper. Let’s list.

 

Donald J Trump: I understand that the “J” stands for blustering Carnival barking con man. Listen Trump supporters: I won’t call you stupid, ignorant or crazy. I will, however, say that if you want America to crash land into the sun, keep doing what you’re doing.

 

Bernie Sanders: He’s a lot of fun. He’s smart, as well. I’ve said many times to many people that American democracy is nothing more than socialism with a clause that allows crooks, thieves, visionaries, and innovators to get filthy rich. I’m sure the democracy idea didn’t seem so bad back when the nation building was on the backs of African slaves.

 

Hillary Clinton: I know. She’s kind of cold and political-like. Women – especially Black women – seem to hate her. I don’t get it. Not only did she stand by her man through tough circumstances, she got universal healthcare introduced into congress. At that time, she was First Lady, not even an elected political official. Think about it.

Dry State Blues

We have serious problems in this country, the great USA. The National Rifle Association – along with politicians whose palms are leaf green with the ink from NRA money – insist that Americans are safe no matter how many assault weapons flood the country as long as we discriminate against Muslims. Nobody kills Americans more than other Americans.

 

The next problem in this country is even more horrifying than the first. There are people who refuse to use the term “Radical Islamist” to refer to lone wolf maniacs who massacre innocent people. People like Timothy McVeigh and Ted Kaczynski (The Unabomber) inundate my mind. I’m sure that somewhere in their respective murderous lily white DNA’s exists Islamic Terrorists who exists as ghosts of Adolf Hitler. Hitler has it like that in the ghost world.

 

There’s a much bigger problem here in the great State of Indiana, however. That problem is that our state goes bone dry of alcohol sales every Sunday. It’s stupid really. Will Jesus love me less if I drink on Saturday night? Will he smite me if I buy liquor on Sunday? The people who drink at restaurants before midnight on Sundays seems to be doing fine, and some of those places only serve hotdogs and popcorn.

 

Indy. Do you really want the Olympics to come to town? Get you Sunday sales shit together.

Guns are the Bomb

Well, here we are, America. Omar Mateen used an assault weapon to murder forty nine innocents and wound fifty three others. It’s hard to be funny here, but I’m intrepid. I’ll try.

Guns are the new bombs. I know. It doesn’t make a goddamned bit of since, since guns were created before bombs. Or were they? Hell, I don’t know. What I do know is that the greatest country on earth has gun policies that make Donald Trump look like Albert Einstein.

America has to embrace common sense. Only in America can a maniac pass a test of eating a gravy boat of chocolate flavored whipped cream in order to have access to a rifle that can kill six full-grown grizzly bears with one magazine. Thankfully, the bears don’t know how to shoot assault rifles. Let’s face it. Bears are Godless killing machines with only their respective wits, strength, and claws. They’re omnivores. They’ll eat anything. Imagine what they would do if they could kill everything with an AR-15.

One thing is for sure. Americans would be mad if bears could handle guns. Nobody likes killing Americans more than other Americans. Wake up America. The 2nd Amendment is archaic and stupid. Change is needed direly. Is that funny enough? I don’t think so.

Radicalization

Donald Trump claims that President Obama’s refusal to use the term “Radicalized Islam” renders the leader of the free world a terrorist. I don’t know which word to use, preposterous or ridiculous. So I’m going to use “prediculous”. The only thing more prediculous than purporting that President Obama is a terrorist, is the notion that any graduate from Trump University (other than Donald Trump) will ever make a dime from his teachings.

Let’s not stop there, though. There are far more dangerous radicalizations out in the world. I’ll name a few.

Radicalized Spiders: It rained almost all day today. I opened the back door for no other reason than I was bored. The spider scrambled to get in. I scrambled to stop it. The spider won. Not because it was faster, but because I was holding a cold beer. Put the beer down, President Obama. Donald Trump might get into the White House.

Radicalized Clouds: That’s right. I see them pointing their gun barrels at me from the sky. Why wouldn’t they? They can get cloud assault weapons even easier than a psychopathic mercenary can get an assault weapon from Wal-Mart.

Radicalized Girl Scouts: Don’t act like you haven’t seen them perched outside of supermarkets wielding the best tasting cookies on earth, and daring you to make eye contact with them. Once you make eye contact, you’re doomed.

I guess, when you think about it, we’re all Radical Islamists.

Trumpology

I have a simple philosophy. At any given time in America, 25% – 40% of the population is stupid. At times, I’m among them. At other times, I’m really smart. I think most of the time most of us live somewhere in the middle.

 

I attributed the legion of Trump followers to the random 25% – 40% until I had an epiphany. Trump supporters aren’t as much stupid as they are angry. They’re angry with politicians and politics, and they’ve decided to beat the rest of America with those cat o nine tails that is Trump’s hair.

 

I liken it to a parent looking out of the window, watching his young son throw a brick through the next door neighbor’s window, and then walking to the neighbor’s house and beating the neighbor’s son. Then, after being released from jail, the parent storms over to the neighbor’s house, screams to his son that he’s a looser, and then claims his own son is a winner for not getting caught.

 

Please don’t do it, my Trump-Americans. Please don’t make the rest of us suffer because you’re angry. Call Dr. Phil.

Understanding

People need to understand that the mass murders that took place at the Pulse Nightclub in Orlando, Florida had nothing to do with ISIS. It had everything to do with an insane, evil man named Omar Mateen who hated himself so much that he decided to take his rage out on innocent people from the LGBT community. It’s sort of like the followers of Donald Trump.

That being said, people need to understand that Donald Trump’s use of this tragedy to proclaim that he was right regarding banning Muslims from entering the USA is like a passenger jet claiming that it’s safer to travel by walking down the center of a major interstate. We sane people clearly understand that the biggest threat to American lives is other Americans. Has anybody heard of Sandy Hook, or the church in Charleston, South Carolina?

Do you know what I don’t understand? I don’t know why Americans are so fierce about having the freedom to buy guns that can blow up a satellite in outer space, even though deer can’t travel nor breathe there. How about former Vice President Dick Cheney shooting a supporter in the face because the quail decided that they would rather die than fly? I’m all for owning a gun to protect my life, my family’s lives, and my home, but do I really need an AR 15? If I needed to use it in my home, wouldn’t my family be in just as much danger as the intruders?

Understand this. LGBT community, stay strong. You’ve fought too hard and persevered too strongly to let these Trump-like attacks stop you from living your lives.